3pm Thu 14 June: I'm in Nati's hairdressers with bleach on my head, so have an hour to write a blog in my notebook.
Our eight weeks in Lima are up as, on Tuesday, we head to Buenos Aires (in my top three world cities with Melbourne and Sydney) before London on June 27, nine months and nine days after we left on Sep 18 last year.
We've enjoyed our time in Peru. I couldn't just sit here and do nothing, so, now, I can understand just about any conversation in Spanish; my irritating shoulder problems are improving after gym sessions which also gave me (more!) muscle, and; thanks to the internet, I've polished off nine months of business and personal tasks which awaited me in England.
The world makes a lot more sense now, too, thanks to the great history book mentioned in previous blog (below).
Did you know the reason Britain became a world power was because the 1381 Peasants' Revolt ended the feudal system 400 years before countries like France? No? Well, now you do.
The weather here's got an England-in-September feel to it now, but this is 'winter.' Peruvians love complaining about how 'cold' it is...even running for shelter when a ferocious storm of light drizzle broke out the other day.
The food in Nati's family's house is as sensational as ever (oh, those beans...bring it on!).
There's some cuy (guinea pig, Peru's second-most famous dish after ceviche (raw fish marinated in lemon)) in the house at the mo...but unfortunately won't be eating it as it's running round the garden as the new family pet.
Still playing football with my Limenos pals, although some aspects of the sport here may explain why Peru were 4-0 down to Mexico in 28mins the other day.
Apart from not passing and shooting from impossible distance or angles (often both), deliberate handball is perfectly acceptable, as is standing 20cm from the subsequent free-kick.
It doesn't stop there.
The toe-poke, derided as a skilless punt by anyone over the age of eight in England, is the preferred style of pass and...you've guessed it...shot.
An hour in a Peruvian gym is equally amusing, but with a colossal dollop of vanity thrown in. Duncan, even you would wince!
The most popular technique is this:
1 Noisily drag bench to most prominent space available (blocking walkway if possible).
2 Take ridiculous position, preferably lie-on-back-at-45-degrees-angle-with-legs-in-air, grunt louder than Maria Sharapova hitting a booming forehand and lift weights too heavy for you, so pals have help you complete lift.
3 Dramatically toss dumb-bells on floor; flex muscles in mirror for minimum 10secs.
Note: Never put weights back on rack, leave on floor for someone to trip on.
Other techniques: One short, actually-quite-fat guy squat-jumps across the gym with weights, attempting to get as much attention as possible afterwards by appearing exhausted as if on the verge of death. Then, he does sprints across gym, dodging people lifting 50kg, followed by the point-of-death routine again.
Two other guys whipped their shirts off for a photoshoot on their friend´s mobile phone camera. Then, the other day, one of them took his top off in a packed gym, to parade in the mirror front of everyone. Oh my God...loser!
Ok, my blog's finished and so is my hair-dying. It's not all blonde...I´m too mature for that...just highlights.
Thanks from both of us for the emails and remember you can comment by clicking the ‘COMMENTS’ tab below. Click on 'Anonymous' to publish comment.
Saludos to all. If you're in Peru, hasta luego and, if you're in England, hasta pronto.
Ali y Nati
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